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Dog Tribute

Valentine Special: 5 Tips for Maximizing the Love from Elvis, aka The Super Love Lab

Dear Daughters,

Here’s a tribute to our late, great Elvis! May we all follow in his big love lab pawprints!!

Sing it if you know it! Who’s afraid of the big, black dog… the big, black dog … the big black dog….?

Nobody, dudes. I’m a lover not a fighter.

I LOVE giving love and I LOVE receiving love.

And baby, I’m rolling in it!

Now that I’ve established my street cred, here are 5 surefire tips for maximizing the love in your life.

Results guaranteed.

1. Keep the talking to a minimum

Barking for no reason other than a fondness for the sound of my own voice, or because I can, or because I’m bored, doesn’t bring the love. So unless it’s important, I keep the barks down to one, maybe two rounds a day. Sure, I’ll produce a polite one if someone waves a biscuit under my nose, but hey, a biscuit is food. And food equals love. Am I Right?

2. Cultivate the single sad whine not the annoying persistent whine

Here’s what I do. Walk across a room occupied by people, stop, let out one soft whine, follow it with a long sigh, and then continue to the other side of the room. People WILL hurry after you and ask what’s wrong. People WILL pet you. People MIGHT give you another biscuit. If you whine continuously you’ll get LESS love not more. And forget about the treats.

3. Be the rug, don’t eat it

My fur is way silkier and softer than a rug. I have found that if I position myself directly under/adjacent to human feet, I will receive foot strokes/massages that last a long, long time. This easy tip really racks up the love hours whereas chewing the rug does not. Speaking of chewing, remember that little love nips produce positive results. Teeth marks do not.

4. Embrace your creative side

If my humans wanted to, they could dress me in a bonnet and nightgown, throw some granny specs on my nose, and pop me under the bed sheets. With my handsome head and toothy smile, I’m a shoe-in for the big bad wolf like the one featured in that engrossing story, Little Red Riding Hood. Good performance…bad performance… it doesn’t matter for I’ll receive a whole lotta love and fan adoration for my role.

5. Oh yeah, I’m a lap dog

I weigh in at 100 lbs. No matter. All I got to do is gaze longingly at my male owner’s lap, produce a sigh or two, and it’s a done deal. He’ll scoop (well, more like haul) me up then plunk me right down onto his chest/abs/lap. On super special days, he’ll set me up in a vertical pose so we are embracing. This my friends, is the ultimate love lab’s position. I get to lick his face…put my head on his shoulder…he scratches my belly…I play guitar….pure dog heaven. Sure, being held upright like that is a wee bit uncomfortable but it’s total worth it because the love benefits are crazy good!

That’s the list, dudes. Pretty awesome, right?!

Five simple yet brilliant nuggets of dog tested wisdom.

What can I say? Lovin’ is my super power.

And whether you’re a canine or a human, I solemnly swear that if you implement my techniques you WILL maximize the love in your life.

Peace Out!

Elvis, The Super Love Lab (Transcribed by Terri Weeding)

Elvis 2007-2018

Want to learn how to write your woman’s (or dog’s) wisdom? Check out my upcoming Zoom Writing Course!

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