After silence, that which comes nearest to expressing the inexpressible is music.

– Aldous Huxley

In addition to stories, poems, essays, quotes, pictures, unsolicited and solicited advice, really bad sketches, and multiple lists of my favorite, not-used-nearly-enough words, I am adding in a couple of “my songs” to my woman’s wisdom book. I’m doing it because music is a major aspect of my life and I express a lot of my joy and angst through “my songs.”

Before I jump into my wisdom writing through songs process, I want you to know that writing about this song terrifies me. My instinct is to shove this ballad, and my vulnerability, back into the darkness. But, I’m forcing myself to do this brave act because there is deep well of wisdom to be found in the hidden places of our pain and confusion, and then how we rally ourselves.

The Process

Step One: I begin by listening to the song multiple times and just feeling it.

Step Two: I write down the lyrics. Recite them out loud. Absorb the poetry and the prose, then highlight specific sections that resonate.

It's not simple to say
Most days I don't recognize me
These shoes and this apron
That place and its patrons
Have taken more than I gave 'em
It's not easy to know
I'm not anything like I used to be
Although it's true
I was never attention sweet center
I still remember that girl
She's imperfect but she tries
She is good but she lies
She is hard on herself
She is broken and won't ask for help
She is messy but she's kind
She is lonely most of the time
She is all of this mixed up
And baked in a beautiful pie
She is gone but she used to be mine
It's not what I asked for
Sometimes life just slips in through a back door
And carves out a person
And makes you believe it's all true
And now I've got you
And you're not what I asked for
If I'm honest I know I would give it all back
For a chance to start over
And rewrite an ending or two
For the girl that I knew
Who be reckless just enough
Who can hurt but
Who learns how to toughen up when she's bruised
And gets used by a man who can't love
And then she'll get stuck and be scared
Of the life that's inside her
Growing stronger each day
'Til it finally reminds her
To fight just a little
To bring back the fire in her eyes
That's been gone but it used to be mine
Used to be mine
She is messy but she's kind
She is lonely most of the time
She is all of this mixed up and baked in a beautiful pie
She is gone but she used to be mine

Step Three: Ask myself some or all of following questions so I can extract and distill the poignant wisdom of “my song.”

Why is this song one of my favorites? How is it significant to me? How do I feel when I listen to this song?  How do I feel when I sing this song? How do I feel when I read/speak the lyrics? How do I feel when I listen to different artists sing this song? When I close my eyes, what images, memories, smells, touches, tastes, etc., appear? When I close my eyes, what people, places, action scenes come to mind? Which predominant feelings does this song evokes. Does this song comfort me? Make me hopeful? Empower me to grieve, purge, rage, celebrate, dance, do housework….When do I like to listen to this song? Who do I share this song with?

Step Four: Craft my answers.

I listen to “She Used to Be Mine” when I’m feeling like it’s me against the world. Typically, I play it when I’m huddled under the bed covers,, and have finally given my anguish permission to release. Other times, I’m listening to it blare through my earbuds, as I’m furiously speed walk in an attempt to stomp away a bout of emotional pain.

“She Used to Be Mine” is my reminder song to accept all the different ingredients that are baked in my beautiful pie. When I close my eyes, I hear the essence of the song in my heart. The lyrics whisper “yeah, you’ve stumbled and fumbled. You’re a mess. You’re bruised and hurting but you are beautiful. You are strong and you will get up and start fighting again for happiness because YOU ARE WORTHY.

BTW, I only listen to Sara Bareilles’s version. Usually a couple times in a row.

BTW, I typically give myself a long self hug at the end of the song.

BTW, I always want pie after I listen to it.

So there it is.

Your turn.

Check out The Guide to Writing Your Woman's Wisdom Book and get started collecting, recording, writing, drawing, and passing on your wisdom with your family. I guarantee they will thank you!

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