Sing to the tune of who’s afraid of the big, bad wolf.

Who’s afraid of the big, black dog… the big, black dog … the big black dog….?

Ah … nobody. Dudes! I’m a lover not a fighter. I love giving love and I love receiving love.

In that spirit, here are five surefire tips for maximizing the love in your life:

1. Keep the talking to a minimum. Barking for no reason other than a fondness for the sound of my own voice, or because I can, or because I’m bored, doesn’t bring the love. So unless it’s important, I keep the barks down to one or two a week. Sure, I’ll produce a quickie if someone waves a biscuit under my nose, but hey, a biscuit is food. And food equals love. Right?

2. Cultivate the sad whine not the annoying persistent whine. Here’s what I do. Walk across a room occupied by people, stop, let out one soft whine, follow it with a long sigh, and then continue to the other side of the room. People WILL hurry after you and ask what’s wrong. People WILL pet you. People MIGHT give you another biscuit. If you whine continuously you WILL get LESS love not more.

3. Be the rug, don’t eat it. My fur is way silkier and softer than a rug. I have found if I position myself directly under people’s feet I get foot rubs that last a long time. This easy tip really racks up the love hours whereas chewing the rug does not.

4. Embrace your creative side. If my owners wanted to, they could dress me in a bonnet and nightgown, throw some granny specs on my nose, and pop me under the bed sheets. With my handsome head and toothy smile, I’m a shoe-in for the big bad wolf in Little Red Riding Hood. Good performance, bad performance, it doesn’t really matter for I’ll receive mucho love for my acting efforts.

5. Every dog is a lapdog. I weigh in at 100 lbs. No matter. I allow my owner to pick me up and with a not inconsiderable effort place me upright on his lap. It’s pure heaven. I get to kiss his face. I get to put my head on his shoulder. He scratches my belly. I play guitar. Sure, being held upright IS a little uncomfortable but the love benefits are unbelievable.

Take it from this love expert, if you follow my top five tips you WILL maximize the love in your canine life. Heck, most of these tips work well for humans too!

Sincerely,
Elvis, the dog (Slurp! I just licked your face!)