To Kill An Armchair Husband, a dark comedy....now available!About the Book | Sneak Peek | Buy the Book | Buzz | About Terri | Funny Shorts | Book Reviews |
A collection of short shorts. In The Second Mistress, a wife discovers her husband installed a second mistress in their home. A cab driver helps a young man deliver shocking news to his parents in Breaking the News. The story Grinch Thwarted Again placed second in a contest. Writing for Penis Gourds is based on real people who actually wear these contraptions. The outfit combos are real too. | |
The Second MistressThe second mistress must have arrived during the night. For when I came downstairs the next morning, she glared at me from the corner of the family room, as if I, not she, was the unwelcome guest. I resisted an urge to charge across the room and slap her smug face. Instead, I aimed a question at the kitchen table. "Why her?" The paper rustled, but its handler declined to emerge. "Because she's the best." "How do you know? Did you sample her?" My husband lowered the paper and folded his hands. "As a matter of fact, I did. I took her through all her moves until I was completely satisfied." A wolfish grin crossed his face. "That's why she's here." Click continue to read the full story.
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Breaking the NewsI told the cabbie to stop a few houses down from my parents' so they wouldn't become suspicious. The driver, Eddie, turned off the meter and jogged across the intersection to Rocky's Subs. The sandwich promised to deliver a punch. Eddie said he'd be the judge of that. I told him to take his time. Asked him if I could hang out for a few minutes to prepare. He said no problem. Delivering news like mine.......well, my parents were in for a shock. From the back pocket of my jeans, I pulled out my list of opening lines and started rehearsing out loud. "Mom, Dad, you can start painting my room. Sorry about the black." Click continue to read the full story. |
Grinch Thwarted AgainIn her house she is the indisputable Grinch. She is the one who tries to keep the household on a budget, the one who tries to prevent four female children (who consider shopping a major hobby) from becoming spoiled rotten. Tightwad, Queen of Thrift, Meanie Mommy, and The Wicked Step-Monster are some of her other alias. As The Grinch, her most common phrases include no, NO, I don’t think so (said with pronounced sarcasm), you have ten of those already, starving children in Africa would love to have just one of your ___, we are not made of money, that costs a lot of money, use your own money, use your imagination and pretend you have one, you don’t use the one you already have, shopping is not a hobby, go to your room if you are going to pout, and other heartless lines. In response, the children weep, beg, offer bribes, and throw tantrums. But The Grinch, determined to win the battle against gross materialism and credit card debt, shows no mercy. Click continue to read the full story. |
Writing For Penis GourdsA long time ago, I served as a Peace Corps Volunteer in the far off land of Papua New Guinea. Now Papua New Guinea was a land that was not only far away, but one that was also far out in a purple haze kind of way, minus the hallucinogens. One morning as I shopped for vegetables at the market, two of the tribal elders, Ray and George, approached me. Ray and George believed in melding the ancient traditions of their ancestors with the modern materials of western culture. A perfect example of this eclectic attitude could be found in their attire. On this particular day, Ray sported a grass skirt worn over a pair of gym shorts topped off by a woman’s pink tank top. George, had chosen a polyester uniform shirt from McDonalds and Wrangler jeans. Jeans he chose to button but not zip, in order to showcase a traditional selkabaum, a cone shaped gourd, worn like a jock strap. Click continue to read the full story.
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