Category — Pick Me Up for the Day

Three Wise Women would have . . .

asked for directions, arrived on time, helped deliver the baby, cleaned the stable, made a casserole, brought practical gifts, and there would be Peace On Earth.

Girls Rule.

“It’s the best time of year,” one burly ex football dude proclaimed at my daughter’s soccer practice. I thought I saw a tiny tear of happiness roll down his cheek.

I found a few statistics. 40 million men watch football every week. On average, fans watch ten hours of football a week.

Football sells recliners and big screen TVS. Satellite TV and Digital Recorders. Chips and Beers. Clothing. Headgear including fake yellow braids and big pieces of plastic cheese. Face paint. And beer. Footballs. Coolers. And beer.

In my house, we have all of this and more. We even have a cookbook featuring recipes by football players.

Every September, no make that August (I forgot about preseason), I ask myself the question. And I ask it again every time I hear the Monday Night Football song.

Terri, are you ready for some football?

My answers.
Do I have a choice?
In small quantities.
If all my chores are done.
If the score is close.
If there’s a cute quarterback.
If my husband whipped up something tasty out of that football cookbook.
If I can sit in his recliner and HE brings me a beer.

Then yeah, bring it on baby!

It’s official. My writing has been deemed funny.

I’ve been acknowledge as hilarious by someone other than my mom and dad.

I’ve been RECOGNIZED as an author of  humorous words on Google’s # 1  ranked site for humor writers http://www.humorwriters.org – a site which happens to be dedicated to my top female humor hero, Erma Bombeck.

It’s a glorious month for this humor writer. Every morning, I do a little celebration dance and sing myself a little cheer (with pom-poms) that goes like this, “Go Terri, Go Terri, Go Terri . . . .”

Enough about me.  Let’s talk about Erma Bombeck, a pioneer of every day humor.

Erma wrote for homemakers. For those unfamiliar with the term, homemakers are the ancestors of stay-at-home moms.  Back in the day, homemakers sewed clothing for their children and cooked for their families in harvest gold kitchens and cleaned . . . REALLY cleaned, like they got down on their knees and scrubbed the kitchen floor EVERY SINGLE DAY. 

Homemakers hosted tupperware and fondue parties. They played charades and disco danced while shamelessly drinking cheap pink wine during the day. And no one thought anything of it.

But I digress.

Erma Bombeck was all about finding the funny in every day suburban life.  She found humor in housework and children and, of course, my favorite fodder – - husbands.

Erma wrote hundreds of columns and several books with entertaining titles like The Grass is Always Greener Over the Septic Tank and Family — The Ties That Bind . . . and Gag.  Although she has passed on, Erma is still vastly popular today, in fact, an online museum exists in her honor and more than 100.000 people visit it every year. Check it out at  http://www.ermamuseum.org/home.asp

A legacy of laughter is wonderful gift.

Thank you, Erma.

 Diary page entries during a week long bout of acute bronchitis.

I’ve fallen ill. My strength is drained by bone-wracking coughing. Bizarre questions/scenarios/fantasies plague me night and day. I fear for my sanity. Or is the codeine-laced cough syrup my doctor prescribed to blame?

When my voice returns, I’m going to practice yodeling like that guy in the Ricola commercial. I should be able to do it as I’ve consumed twenty Ricola cough drops in the last 4 days.

A foot thumping sneeze combined with a thunderous hacking cough attack results in a Depends moment. I can sink no lower. I must keep my bladder empty even if it means crawling to the bathroom every 1/2 hour.

Why does my child gaze at me with faintly disguised repulsion when I croak at her to kindly bring me a cup of soup? HOW MANY TIMES did I nurse her back from the brink of death?

I have an uncontrollable urge to comb out my mucky nose hair with an itty bitty comb. I wonder if there are any Polly Pocket hair utensils around the house?

Five. The number of times the sound of ogre-like snoring woke me.  Alas, I was/am the culprit. I belong on Shrek now. Mucus. Swollen nose. Skin tinged with green. I’m transforming.

Must stop the neighborhood dogs from barking or I will surely go mad. If only I possessed the strength to climb the tallest tree in our yard, a rifle loaded with  . . . tranquilizers strapped to my back. I’ll start with the little dogs first, for they possess the shrillest barks.

Yes Man (2008) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uRv4CoXQoAQ

A great comedy for  2011 with a great message . . . Just Say Yes!!

Say yes to the possibilities in your life.

Say yes to adding more fun, more HUMOR, more joy to your life.

Laugh until your stomach hurts and tears are rolling down your face. It’s the best therapy AND it tones your abs.

Funny Excerpt from the movie.  (Carl Allen and Alison riding a scooter)

Alison: Am I going too fast for you?
Carl Allen: Nah. In fact, I think you should go faster. That way if we crash, at least I’ll die. I just don’t wanna be kept alive artificially.

Say Yes!

My favorite poem by “the man” Ralph Waldo Emerson.  

What is Success?

To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; To earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; To appreciate beauty; To find the best in others; To leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition; To know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived; This is to have succeeded.

These are the benchmarks by which I measure the quality of my life! I have many, many things to be thankful for!

Big Bang Theory Clip

I love the Big Bang Theory on CBS. It just moved to Thursday nights.

Check out the clip above.

The dialogue is witty and I imagine amazingly hard to memorize.

I loved the sterotypical  science geek… grossly exaggerated.

Chuck Lorre, who did Dharma and Greg, is truly one funny guy.

I always laugh my head off.

And that’s a really good thing to do every week!

“I would chew my leg out of a trap to get to this stuff.” (Barbara Yost for the Arizona Republic)

It’s original.

It’s visual.

We KNOW the reviewer is serious because she is willing to undergo self-mutilation, DISMEMBERMENT FOR PETE’S SAKE, for a chocolate bread pudding drenched in bourban sauce. 

Barbara Yost, I salute your gusto for food AND your oh-so-clever analogy.

For now, I can’t stop thinking about that chocolate bread pudding with bourban sauce.

I must have it.

I must find out if this dessert is worth the sacrifice of a limb.

If you live in the Phoenix area, you can find out too.  http://www.thegrindaz.com

Not to worry! I'll take care of your problems!

Wonder Woman, attached to my daily planner. Her super powers come in handy!

What if you could burn 500-800 calories in an hour and have a blast doing it?

Zumba, baby.

Target your core, gluts, and arms. Improve your posture, coordination, and sensuality factor.

Zumba, baby.

This high intensity, low impact workout is appropriate for women of all ages and sizes.

Zumba, baby . . . and spice up your life!